Sunday, May 17, 2009

Are You There God? Remember me? It's Ryan....Just Checking In, Thanks.

Life is like that...you get caught up living it and you tend to forget to step back and reflect on where it's taking you....

So, like most folks in this country, or many people, i'm unemployed...I can work as a substitute teacher, but given how inconsistent and unpredictable it can be getting sub work (answered a call to sub, got to the school, then was told an hour later i would not be needed because the person who called off DECIDED she wasn't that sick and came in....said teacher is LEGENDARY for dong this...it is what it is).

yes, I am sending my resumes--ALL OF THEM--out everywhere I can...temping when jobs appear, etc.

so, i'm doing all the work necessary to ensure that i find a job SOON....

but, it still doesn't change the fact that i'm at a very REAL crossroads at my life...for the first time, in 33 years (soon to be 34), i don't have the answers.

I have no answers...I don't know where I want to go next...and you know what, I'm good with that.

For the first time, in a long time, i'm learning how to chart my own path in life. I've always taken the "safe" way to get what I want...and that's fine.

but, i'm not feeling challenged or pushed....so, i'm going to figure out what breathes life into me..what makes me creative.

I know it's writing and always has been...but I admit i've been terribly afraid to make that leap and really get what i produce out there. no one wants to be rejected or be harshly criticized. YET...we learn from negative feedback and make our work stronger...

I know I've always wanted to write for film and television, but I admit I've been hella conservative in getting there. I also know that I have not been READY to make that leap...

I am now and I'm making, no i'm TAKING those steps to get me to that point...

I've been writing scripts and teleplays these days..yea, they aren't GREAT but im putting my words down on paper and learning how to CRAFT what i write into something that IS a stepping stone to getting that foothold TO what i want to accomplish (writing and producing screenplays; creating tv shows that a) people want to watch and b)are GOOD...

it's a lot...i know it's hard to "break in" but i'm going to do my damndest to get there.

at the moment, i'm working on a spec, not only for that portfolio of work writers need to get noticed in Hollywood, but will serve as a hopeful sample that will aid me in applying for the Disney Writing Fellowship...ill talk more on that later...

and yes, moving to LA is in the cards...im hoping i can do it at the end of this year, but to be realistic, winter/early spring 2010 is the time period...

I don't know...I guess things are slowly starting to come to fruition for me.

I've never been THAT PERSON who's had a linear progression towards achieving what they want...My path in life has been bumpy, loaded with physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, etc. roadblocks, minefields, etc. that I've come to expect a windy road...

but, for the first time in a LONG ASS TIME, that's fine...it's more than fine that i'm getting closer to what I want out of life, etc.

so yea...i guess i'm just writing this to say that i'm present and thriving and not being deterred given my current circumstances...

i'm human...i have moments of anger, depression, sadness, etc. who doesnt. but, i know that those moments pass and i go right back to work, slowly getting closer to what I want...

and you know what...im going to get EXACTLY what I want also...end of story.

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