Are You There God? Remember me? It's Ryan....Just Checking In, Thanks.

Life is like that...you get caught up living it and you tend to forget to step back and reflect on where it's taking you....

So, like most folks in this country, or many people, i'm unemployed...I can work as a substitute teacher, but given how inconsistent and unpredictable it can be getting sub work (answered a call to sub, got to the school, then was told an hour later i would not be needed because the person who called off DECIDED she wasn't that sick and came in....said teacher is LEGENDARY for dong this...it is what it is).

yes, I am sending my resumes--ALL OF THEM--out everywhere I can...temping when jobs appear, etc.

so, i'm doing all the work necessary to ensure that i find a job SOON....

but, it still doesn't change the fact that i'm at a very REAL crossroads at my life...for the first time, in 33 years (soon to be 34), i don't have the answers.

I have no answers...I don't know where I want to go next...and you know what, I'm good with that.

For the first time, in a long time, i'm learning how to chart my own path in life. I've always taken the "safe" way to get what I want...and that's fine.

but, i'm not feeling challenged or pushed....so, i'm going to figure out what breathes life into me..what makes me creative.

I know it's writing and always has been...but I admit i've been terribly afraid to make that leap and really get what i produce out there. no one wants to be rejected or be harshly criticized. YET...we learn from negative feedback and make our work stronger...

I know I've always wanted to write for film and television, but I admit I've been hella conservative in getting there. I also know that I have not been READY to make that leap...

I am now and I'm making, no i'm TAKING those steps to get me to that point...

I've been writing scripts and teleplays these days..yea, they aren't GREAT but im putting my words down on paper and learning how to CRAFT what i write into something that IS a stepping stone to getting that foothold TO what i want to accomplish (writing and producing screenplays; creating tv shows that a) people want to watch and b)are GOOD...

it's a lot...i know it's hard to "break in" but i'm going to do my damndest to get there.

at the moment, i'm working on a spec, not only for that portfolio of work writers need to get noticed in Hollywood, but will serve as a hopeful sample that will aid me in applying for the Disney Writing Fellowship...ill talk more on that later...

and yes, moving to LA is in the cards...im hoping i can do it at the end of this year, but to be realistic, winter/early spring 2010 is the time period...

I don't know...I guess things are slowly starting to come to fruition for me.

I've never been THAT PERSON who's had a linear progression towards achieving what they want...My path in life has been bumpy, loaded with physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, etc. roadblocks, minefields, etc. that I've come to expect a windy road...

but, for the first time in a LONG ASS TIME, that's fine...it's more than fine that i'm getting closer to what I want out of life, etc.

so yea...i guess i'm just writing this to say that i'm present and thriving and not being deterred given my current circumstances...

i'm human...i have moments of anger, depression, sadness, etc. who doesnt. but, i know that those moments pass and i go right back to work, slowly getting closer to what I want...

and you know what...im going to get EXACTLY what I want also...end of story.

Welcome Back/The Oscars/Moving Forward

Okay, so I haven't been here in ages. Life, work, writing and the pursuit of my individual happiness took precedence over the maintaining of this blog.

I have been watching a LOT of films though. But, since those films have past, and the chance to comment on them here have passed also, I will start a fresh and anew with the Oscars.

I do intend to watch all of the nominees for 2009 between now and June and comment on all of them. So many fantastic performances (Happy Kate Winslet won for Revolutionary Road/The Reader--why folk hated RR is beyond me--the book is devastating and powerful and Kate is luminous as April Wheeler. Sorry, but her performance in The Reader is BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS, not best. Get it right, kiddies!...but, Melissa Leo gave the strongest performance of this year in Frozen River (a must add to your netflix queue)) and so little time to watch when they were out.

Brief thoughts on the Oscars: still too long, but Hugh Jackman gets a LOT of props for hosting. Though, I feel like someone MUST hate him cause he got the shittiest bits for a host ever.

Dustin Lance Black: very moving and powerful speech...though I feel that MILK wasn't as strong as it COULD have been and did profit (as it should have) in the post-Prop 8 kaflama, but Black did give an emotionally valid and powerful speech, one that all LGBT youth and LGBT's in general can feel positive about--even if the movie basically whitewashed the presence of people of color from it.

I guess we'll still be waiting another ten years for an LGBT screenwriter of color to get up on the stage and give his OR her speech to the world about the movie he won an oscar for...no shade, just telling and speaking truth.

Sean Penn as Best Actor: I love sean--but, Mickey Rourke KILLED it in The Wrestler and should have won.

Best Supporting Actress: I guess black people should be thankful that the academy nominated TWO black women in the same category (shade of Oprah and Margaret Avery for The Color Purple 23 years ago, natch). I'm happy Penelope won, but that award had Viola's name written ALL OVER IT.

The rest of the show: Weaveonce was a hot mess as usual, why were the "young Hollywood" set in the show--they aren't spectacular nor will ANY of them even GET close to a nomination ever (Zac Efron, Robert Pattinson, Miley Cyrus and Vanessa Hudgens). ABC should really go about getting the young viewers another way.

Seth Rogen: will someone tell his UNFUNNY ass that his fifteen minutes of fame have been over--FOR TWO YEARS NOW. Pineapple Express wasn't even THAT good--just a very long and extended weed joke that went on for two hours TOO LONG.

Slumdog Millionaire: Let's be real...the film wasn't as good as all the praise it's getting. Give it a few weeks, and folk will start seeing the flaws that were rampant in that movie and just how contrived it really was. Dev Patel, Freida Pinto, and the rest of the cast (including the kiddies--LOVE THEM. Have Fox Searchlight done right by their families and given them some coin to live off of? Or, are they still playing that post-colonial, dimissive stance still?) were brilliant. And, Danny Boyle managed to have some moments of brilliance in an otherwise okay film with a very complex and powerful first hour, that collapsed into a very mediocre hour of contrivances and predictability...

And why are White people acting like Bollywood is that NEW ISH? Now it's trendy for folk to start doing the final dance number in the film? pssh....

Angelina Jolie: THAT's how you WORK a red carpet-dress and all. Please, tell these young hollywood starlets to watch Kate, Angelina, and Marissa Tomei this year on how to REALLY give status and presence at the Oscars.

Til next time...